I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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