There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
