you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
