This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize