I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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