can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
