Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
