if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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