I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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