So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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