Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
