drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
