Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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