So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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