I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
