She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize