I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
