halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize