high people should be assigned attendants
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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