Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
