he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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