i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
