well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize