he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
