i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
