You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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