My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
