yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
