Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
