ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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