I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
