just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize