why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
