I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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