His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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