i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
