I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
