Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
