i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
