Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
