It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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