My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
