dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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