Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize