So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
