You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
