Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
