Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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