I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Too much gin, very little bucket
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
