I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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