man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
