Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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