well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
