Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
