It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize