she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
sex in a hospital.. check
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
