Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
