He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
