Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
