okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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