meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
whose parrot is this?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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