Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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