ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
