I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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