i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
