On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
