So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
