I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
