Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
