just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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