the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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