Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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