Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just google imaged poop.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
