remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
