I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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