i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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