Acid is not a monday night drug
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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