there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
