We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
