I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
