This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
