Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
