Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize