I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
