guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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