she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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