you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
