Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
