If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
