Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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