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• (323): View more from California

  Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it

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• (518): View more from New York

  Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!

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• (786): View more from Florida

  What vodka is american?

  (1-786): View more from Florida

  Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.

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• (925): View more from California

  The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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• (315): View more from New York

  he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE

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• (914): View more from New York

  No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!

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