sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize