So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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