DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
